Becoming: The Transparency

Most Days I full Of laughter and incredible ideas that I will one day master. Other days I am Drained from those very thoughts. I didn’t learn until later in life that you don’t have to wear your feelings on your sleeve. I was Angelou in my youth because like most, you don’t understand and no one explains anything you. You are just to accept and remain in a child place. Be what the adults have expected you to be and move along. But even in my youth, I knew Who I was and what I wanted; but no one understood. They kept saying, “you’re to be like your aunt So and So” and when I did Different I was Shamelessly put off to being mediocre or just to amount to nothing. And that angered me terribly, to where I would Shoot from the mouth with whatever venom would come. Or if someone around my age said something, I’d take my anger to the physical level and let them feel my pain too.

It took me years to accept that wasn’t the way... And that person who I was Showing the world, wasn’t my first or second impression. I needed To get that person under control. I did By running into a woman who sat me down and said to me, “why are you so mad?” “You never smile, you are always alone? Is that how you going to make it through life?”... Before then, I never Even thought I wa Mad or even alone... People were always around me. I thought I was Happy... But sometimes it’s the people who aren’t with you on the regular that can see some things that even you can’t fathom.

I took Under Mrs. Howell’s wings and got better and found time to read and study bible passages that help me deal with anger and hurt and love. I started Going to counseling to really deal with my issues and be the woman that I once Said I’d grow up to be. That helped me get my foundation sturdy. But it’s been hard and I have Had a grounded few to remain true and help me; but I can’t take the credit for being a better person. I have real friends. I am No where near perfect. But I do Try my best to treat everyone I encounter With Love and kindness. yeah it’s always someone that will push a button and get cursed out, but I try Not to go there... lol

These next few blogs will be about me being transparent to help my readers see that they aren’t alone.   I believe That God is using me to help the next with my words and actions. And the only way I know Is to be transparent and let him use me to help those that need help in their lives... No matter what, you aren’t alone... You feel alone because you may be afraid to talk to the fake people in your life, but if you can’t talk to the people in your circle, you need a new circle. Starting today, take account for YOU and your Needs. And sit down with that list and the most important trusted person you know and talk! They may be going through some things too, but open the door. I send My friends “out the blue” text checking on them or letting them know what and how I’m feeling. Try it... Be transparent with your friends about your life.

Life isn’t easy, but it doesn’t have to be hard either!

Part 1....

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