Transparency Part 2
Life is full of challenges, but the biggest challenge I have come face to face with is LOVE.
That little word is so tricky. I mean it can bring a lot of things your way. But when it doesn't work, and its one sided, Whewww it can bring devastation worse than death. Well almost worst than death, depending on how you love the person that dies. My first petty love hurt me. Not like a death, but like a bad cold. He was a good guy but we were young HS. So it was like the merry go round, the kicking it in the park kinda love. He started kicking with a new new and it was a done deal for me. I thought we could have made it to college and then truly in love, but I had to focus on me and my goal so I cried, but moved on to doing me.
Upon going off to college, I kinda let my mind think about dating. So I kicked it with a few prospects, and sure enough I connected with a guy that had potential to keep my attention from others. And that like grew into love and then passion and we or well I saw a "couple of forevers"... I stopped being guarded and let my feelings flow. I was in love, we were inseparable. We graduated college and even got jobs and were looking for rings and a home. But it was fantasy; not his.
When the heartbreak came, I thought of every thing possible to show him I was the one who loved him and deserved him. You see how crazy I sound. I was trying to show him how much I loved and deserved him. I didn't cheat. That niggga. that nigga cheated so much, that I was stuck on stupid trying to make it work. Yeah, at the time I was in my 20s, young, but that is no excuse not to love yourself enough to you deserve to be loved right.
That fucked up relatioship sent me into depression and I only wanted to be alone. I was spending so much time with a doggass nigga I didn't know what it was like to love ME. DO ME. and the sad part, I was always confident in me, but we sometimes don't pay attention to how one can creep in and emotionally take from us.
BUT I WOKE up and REALIZED who the FUCK I WAS. I sometimes think that that reason there is why I don't waste time on a man that lacks anything I WANT or NEED. and If I'm lacking anything he needs or want, he should leave me. I dated the same guy for far to long, but I won't now.
At age 28 I realized I could do more alone than with a struggle relationship. we do so much trying to love and make those love us like we won't. We should accept they aren't ready and move on to be our full potential of happiness. That was my first real relationship that nearly broke me from all relationships, but I took time to realize what I wanted and what I wouldn't accept. I have been hurt again, but not the way that first love did.
I found me and what I wanted and needed to be loved.
That little word is so tricky. I mean it can bring a lot of things your way. But when it doesn't work, and its one sided, Whewww it can bring devastation worse than death. Well almost worst than death, depending on how you love the person that dies. My first petty love hurt me. Not like a death, but like a bad cold. He was a good guy but we were young HS. So it was like the merry go round, the kicking it in the park kinda love. He started kicking with a new new and it was a done deal for me. I thought we could have made it to college and then truly in love, but I had to focus on me and my goal so I cried, but moved on to doing me.
Upon going off to college, I kinda let my mind think about dating. So I kicked it with a few prospects, and sure enough I connected with a guy that had potential to keep my attention from others. And that like grew into love and then passion and we or well I saw a "couple of forevers"... I stopped being guarded and let my feelings flow. I was in love, we were inseparable. We graduated college and even got jobs and were looking for rings and a home. But it was fantasy; not his.
When the heartbreak came, I thought of every thing possible to show him I was the one who loved him and deserved him. You see how crazy I sound. I was trying to show him how much I loved and deserved him. I didn't cheat. That niggga. that nigga cheated so much, that I was stuck on stupid trying to make it work. Yeah, at the time I was in my 20s, young, but that is no excuse not to love yourself enough to you deserve to be loved right.
That fucked up relatioship sent me into depression and I only wanted to be alone. I was spending so much time with a doggass nigga I didn't know what it was like to love ME. DO ME. and the sad part, I was always confident in me, but we sometimes don't pay attention to how one can creep in and emotionally take from us.
BUT I WOKE up and REALIZED who the FUCK I WAS. I sometimes think that that reason there is why I don't waste time on a man that lacks anything I WANT or NEED. and If I'm lacking anything he needs or want, he should leave me. I dated the same guy for far to long, but I won't now.
At age 28 I realized I could do more alone than with a struggle relationship. we do so much trying to love and make those love us like we won't. We should accept they aren't ready and move on to be our full potential of happiness. That was my first real relationship that nearly broke me from all relationships, but I took time to realize what I wanted and what I wouldn't accept. I have been hurt again, but not the way that first love did.
I found me and what I wanted and needed to be loved.
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